Do you need help with your pre-schooler?

Hi Gab,

I have been worried about my son’s behaviour for a while now. Actually
 since his brother was born he has been more difficult.

 1) Possessive behaviour - no one can touch his cars or his brothers toys. He
 can share other toys but never his cars. He doesn't like any of his
 friends touching his brother.
Jealous or protecting, are you saying all the time to your son that he's the older brother, or he has to look after his brother as he’s the big boy ect. When friends go up to your baby or you are holding your baby do you include your son, make him feel special and wanted? Say things like, "my 2 special boys" "I have 2 great boys" we have two well behavouied boys; always refer to both of the boys in a positive way.
 

 I tell him before friends come over he can put his special cars away
 and that he has to share the rest. This some times works well and
 sometimes not.
DO NOT have special cars!! This is why he will have to protect them, its confusing for him. To him they are all special, but don't confuse him by saying some are special.

 2) pushing his friends.
Do not tolerate at any time. This may seem a bit mean but worked for our boys.....what Aaron did was go up to the boys and lightly push them, do this a few times, and say, do you like it, do you like it. They will cry and say no! You then you ask the question, "then why do you do it to others" again they normally say I don't know, and you then have to explain, "that they now know how it feels, because you just did it to them

I put him in the naughty 'laundry', then ask him to tell me why I put
 him there. He then has to apologise.
(Do above) AND get him to tell you WHY he should NOT do the behaviour i.e. because if feels horrible, or it hurts them ect

 3) Will not join in at music at all and almost has a break down if I
 get involved in singing. He doesn't like it when I sing with his brother at
 music. (Some times, he is ok but not always)

Encourage him to join in, do not worry if he doesn't. I would talk to him in the car on the way to music, say we are going to music and if you want to you can join in with your brother and I, but if you don't that’s ok. If you are, a good boy at music when we get home you can eg watch something or maybe have a jelly bean ect
 If he has a melt down I remove him from the room for a while.
This is maybe what he wants, he now has control of the situation, he has removed you from music and singing (which is his goal) do the same as above. Explain before you get there what is going to happen and what the consequences are if he does xyz.
 4) cries and has meltdowns easily if he doesn't get his own way.
Let him do it, tell him you will not talk to him until he has calmed down and its not acceptable behaviour, do not let him carry on with any other activities until he has done so and can talk to you rationally. (It may take time) but don't give in.
 I don't give in and use the naughty laundry if needed

 5) Bites nails all the time
This could be due to copying! When you see him, do distract him with something else, like come and help me do dinner or go and get me?? (Any distraction) ect. You can also explain to him in simple terms that he will get worms in his bottom and show him images of thread worms on Google

 6) When I'm talking with adults and attention isn't on him he will
 moan, climb over furniture, be loud - will do anything to get my
 attention.
Can be hard depending on whom you are talking to. If possible, stop and give him a consequence if he does not stop the behaviour i.e. straight to bed, when disciplining children you have to use the Childs "currency" so for him it is his cars. Tell him you will take it away for a period and do not give it back until that time is up. I.e. I will give them back after dinner, or after kindy ect. Remind him, as it gets closer to the time of getting his cars back by saying things like "soon you will get your cars back" or show him on the clock. Before giving him the cars back, get him to tell you why you took them off him.
 

 I remove him from the room and put him in naughty corner. It doesn't
 usually work in this situation though.
If this normally works, why does it not work in this situation? I’m guessing that on these occasions you yourself are talking and allow him to get away with it. (If your visitor weren’t there im, guessing you would follow through)

He does watch a lot of TV and I wonder if that can cause bad behaviour??
Limit and monitor what he is watching (TV in its self is not going to cause bad behaviour, how ever what he is viewing might)
 

 the good points about my son,  Very loving with his family, friendly,
 amazing memory, very intelligent, fun and a great boy.
I agree, he is a great special, affectionate, inquisitive, loving boy.

 I do most of the disciplining as his dad works six full days a week.
When his dad is home he is good with discipline and we are on the same page.
This is a 100% must, the same sex parent is the most influential for a child. When possible make as much one-on-one time as you can.
 I don't let many things slide and pull him up on naughty behaviour
 straight away.
Relax, don't sweat the small stuff (to a degree) it is more important to praise him on what he’s doing right, keep an eye out! Tell him how good he is when he's playing quietly or anything you consider to be good.

My belief is that there is absoulty nothing wrong with him, I see this behaviour all the time, right from kids at playgroup, right through to my own kids, but it’s how you deal with it that counts.


 I don't think there is anything major wrong but I do wonder if he has
 some social problems.

Personally, I don't think so; he's growing up and pushing the boundaries he wants to see how far he can go and what he can get away with. This will not change, talking from experience, they will constantly be challenging you and your authority as long as you communicate set boundaries and discipline it will be ok.

You are a great parent for someone to write this letter and go to the lengths you are going to to find answers, clearly shows this. Don't beat yourself up and remind yourself of all the things you are doing right.

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